The positives of being a parent

My name is Laura. I have a learning disability and am the proud mother of a 10 year old boy. I wanted to talk about how being a parent is the best thing in the world. I wanted to talk about all the support I have been given. I wanted to write a blog for staff. Caroline Woolley, Assistant Psychologist helped me to do this.

Caroline told me about Sandra Baum. Sandra is the head of psychological services for Adult Learning Disability Service and a Consultant Clinical Psychologist in Bromley. She wrote a chapter about pregnancy, contraception and women choosing to have a child. This was part of a book called ‘Sexuality and Learning Disabilities’ (2018). The book talks about:

• Some of the attitudes towards women with learning disabilities choosing to have a child.
• What healthcare professionals can do to help mothers with a learning disability when they visit the hospital.
• How staff can support new mothers to develop their parenting skills.
• It is important to provide accessible information for those with a learning disability.

I wanted to meet Sandra. I wanted to talk to her about chapter. I wanted to share:

• My experiences of being a new mother with staff and other people with a learning disability.
• What support I had received to help me.
• How staff could improve the support they give to new mums with a learning disability.

 

We met at Market Street Health Centre in Woolwich. We talked about how many mums with a learning disability do not live with their children. I said that my boy goes to a residential school, but he comes home to spend time with me during the school holidays and through option weekends. We like playing games, playing on the iPad in the evenings and spending time together. It makes us feel happy. My son’s favourite game to play is snakes and ladders. We like going to the park and visiting the shopping centre.

We talked about my experiences with healthcare professionals and social services during and after pregnancy. I said that I enjoyed meeting some of the Doctors and Nurses at the hospital. I liked having my baby scan pictures because it made me feel good about myself.  I wanted my mum to be my birth partner and she supported me through the birth of my son. That is why she is special to us. Both the Nurses and my mum helped to teach me how to make up a bottle and how to change a nappy. Sandra asked me about my involvement with Social Services post-birth. I said it was a stressful and tiring time because Social Services were very involved. I had to go to a lot of meetings and they visited me a lot because I have a learning disability.  I had a mixture of good and bad social workers who supported me. When I had a bad social worker, I felt like they were looking for negative things to report back to head office. A good social worker made me feel listened to and supported me. Sandra then asked me if I had been assessed by a psychologist. I replied that I did have a parent assessment when my baby was a bit older rather than straight away. But having Alfie was the main supportive factor during this time and I have really enjoyed watching him become more independent.

The final topic we discussed was what services were available in the community to support new mums with a learning disability. I am really lucky to have a supportive family that helped me, but I would have enjoyed meeting other new mums. I asked Sandra if there were any new mum support groups and Sandra said there were. Sandra mentioned the Family Planning Association that is located in Central London. We agreed that more could be done to help create more local on-going support groups for new mums with a learning disability. Sandra also said that the Norah Fry Centre for Disability Studies at Bristol University have created some positive information booklets to support new mums who have a learning disability.  

We finished our conversation talking about relationships. Sandra explained to me that a lot of children get taken away from their mums because there is a limited amount of family support. I told Sandra that I was a single mother, but my boy still gets to see his father separately. For me, my family have been amazing. I would like to thank my family for all the support they have given me with my son. It really means a lot to me.